


Love Yourself

by SterekXKlaroline



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt Tony Stark, I hope, It get's better, Just lots of Angst, M/M, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Past Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 08:36:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10940853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SterekXKlaroline/pseuds/SterekXKlaroline
Summary: Tony is heartbroken that Steve left him walking away with Bucky in his arms. But Steve misses him and Tony hates Steve. Or so he says so.





	Love Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Again I am so so so sorry if this is terrible. I had to write and re-write this so many times because I wasn't happy with it. I hope you guys enjoy it and any type of comments would be appreciated x

One of the worst feelings in the world is feeling completely alone and unwanted. Feeling like everything that’s happened is your fault, constantly trying to impress someone, someone you love, that someone being a guy that your father constantly talked about, constantly praised during your childhood. Trying to impress him, your father, anyone. But both of them ripped away from you by the same motherfucker. 

It’s not like I tried to impress Steve constantly. I just didn’t want him to think I was that irresponsible conceited prick I was when we first met. But boy should I have realized, loving yourself is far much better than letting someone else love you. That way you avoid getting hurt. 

But of course like the dumbass I am, I fall for that charming smile, those blue eyes that just consume anyone. They hold so much, emotion, power, love, and the hate, disgrace, pity. All of it changing as soon as good old Bucky fucking Barnes is back. 

I hate the guy I really do. Even before I found out he killed my parents. My mom. The woman who I wish I showed so much more love and respect to but never. 

NO I hated him when all Steve could talk about was the good old days with Bucky, oh let’s not forget how much banter him and my father had. Probably have more good memories together than I ever did with my old man. 

But then lets also not forget that the man I love protected his best friend rather than his partner, the man who stared to plan a way to propose. All whilst keeping the secret of who killed Howard and Marie Stark, my parents. All whilst protecting his best friend.

Bucky Barnes just knows how to ruin my life, taking away anyone and everyone I have ever loved. 

Steve knows I hate him, both of them. But I hate that deep down I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to hate Steve. Because of how much I loved him. Love him. 

How the only way my nightmares left me were when I was in his arms at night. Comforted by him, yet he laid with me fully knowing another secret he kept for another man. A man whom he loved. These secrets causing these nightmares to start all over again. 

But instead of nightmares, they’re again flashbacks, memories, of the man who I believed loved me, trying to kill me, watching his retreating figure, another man in his arms leaving me for dead. 

 

** 

 

Apparently everyone else is over everything that happened. That’s why as soon as they were cleared Steve waltzes back into my life, he thought that apology in a letter would make up for everything? The emotional trauma he put me through. Fucking taking my heart out of my chest and crushing it with his hands, or better yet we he put the shield my father made for him into my arc reactor. 

“Tony” Natasha said walking down into my office of some sorts. “You need to talk to him.” 

I looked up at her, “At who? Barton? Yeah we’ve already made, I’ve even made friends with that guy… what’s his name. The little one. Actually quite funny you know.” 

“You know who I’m on about Tony. Steve’s upstairs right now” 

“That has nothing to do with me. He has nothing to do with me so I would prefer to keep this space between us” 

“This isn’t a good way to deal Tony. He’s just as broken as you are” 

I scoffed at that, “Right. Him and his precious Bucky. All broken together. Are you forgetting that part where his best friend killed my dad… or the part where he hid this from me whilst we were together… or maybe how he was looking for this guy whilst we were together, without telling me. Or here’s the icing on the cake, how he left me for dead fucking ripping my god damn heart out in the process.” I snarled, the bitterness revealing itself. The pent up anger that was eating up my insides. The Anger that stopped me from shutting my eyes at night in the massive, cold empty bed. 

“He wants to talk to you Tony. About everything. So much has changed lately… but you’ve just… thrown yourself into work. You only go out for publicity. Pepper… she’s even asked about you.   
You haven’t been sleeping Tony” 

“I’m well aware of that Natasha. Now please… can you leave” My voice betrayed me by cracking at the end. But I just didn’t know what to do anymore.

“At least come up to get some food. Eat a proper meal, then try to get some rest. Stop working for a while. Something Tony. You don’t look well” 

“And you want me to go up there and show everyone this? Rather not thank you” 

“Then I’ll bring some food down to you, then I’ll take you to your room” 

“A meal before getting me into bed. Such a Lady you are” 

“Only for you Stark” She smirked going upstairs. 

Rather than Natasha coming down it was Wanda. What is it today, sending down all the women we have?

“Tony” He thick accent drawled, “Your food.” She perched herself up on one of the benches the food beside her. I couldn’t deny how good the hot meal smelt. 

“Thank you” I said starting to pick at the food. 

“You don’t need to face anyone. But you need to sleep Tony. I know how bad nightmares of your past can be, I have my own. But I don’t know the pain you’re going through now, I just want you to know that I’ll be here for you, maybe not always because of how well that went last time. But if you needed someone to talk to, I can listen.” 

I nodded taking in what she was saying, “Who’s up there?” 

“Both of them… if that’s what you’re asking. Bucky is recovering, he went under again. Natasha invited them, Steve as you know visits because his family are still here. But they’re nothing more than friends. You know that right, and they're also staying for a few days, or so they say so, but still, they're not together” 

“There’s so much more to it than just that kid.” I said ignoring the fact they'll be staying here. 

“I don’t know if Natasha told you this… but Bucky… he also wants to talk to you.” 

I grimaced, “Tell him, at my funeral, he’ll have the opportunity but until then he’ll just have to wait” 

“Please don’t say things like that. Because then someone will have to send down Clint. Although this is the most you’ve spoken or eaten in a few days. I’m glad” 

I smiled, although it was difficult, I made sure she got home safely. And although I either spend my time down here or working somewhere else, she has made an effort alongside everyone else. 

It’s just the small parts that have made the big difference. The small things that hold me back. 

“Come on, let’s go upstairs. You should probably have a hot shower. Have some sleeping pills and try to get to sleep” 

I didn’t have much room for argument instead told Friday to shut it down and followed Wanda upstairs. I successfully managed to avoid everyone and had a shower, one I had left I saw the pills on my bedside table and glass of water. Getting changed and taking them, which was when Steve decided on walking in. 

The last time I had seen this man was once he was officially free. NO eye contact made, nothing. Whenever he’s here I’m not. All I saw was a man I loved… maybe still love who knows if the feelings will ever leave me. But a man who broke my trust, broke my heart and took me for everything I had leaving only my father’s shield. 

“Tony” He whispered as he stared at me. 

“Leave. Now.” I growled out through gritted teeth. 

“Please. We need to talk Tony… I miss you” 

“You miss me? That’s funny. Should become a comedian. Now fuck off out of here” 

He hesitated before walking out of here. But the pain that caused me… seeing him, him being back in here. The amount of nights we spent in here. For the first few weeks I had to go to one of the spare rooms. 

But right now I felt my chest restricted and I just wanted to reach out and have him hold me as I slept. But I had to be strong and realize, I don’t need him in my life anymore. Steve Rogers is nothing to me. He was a friends of my dad’s that’s it. No more, no less.


End file.
